It Gets Passionate in Episode 18

Barbara Carrellas is a sex/life coach, sex educator, workshop facilitator, university lecturer, motivational speaker about queerness and other topics, and theater artist. She is the author of Urban Tantra: Sacred Sex for the Twenty-First Century, Ecstasy is Necessary: A Practical Guide to Sex, Relationships and Oh So Much More, and Luxurious Loving: Tantric Inspirations for Passion and Pleasure.

If traditional sex is boring.. stop doing it.

What a lot of people need to give up is penis and vagina sex as the only way to have sex. Give it up. That is one way to have sex out of thousands. In fact stop doing it. If it’s not fun stop doing it. You’ve probably done that for 30 years. You’re probably bored. Who wouldn’t be? !!

You can get high on your own life-force energy. Without anyone else in the room, even without touching yourself.

Often people over the age of 55 will say “the desire just isn’t there for sex.” I ask what does excite you? And that opens up the conversation. Finding enthusiasm for something gets you on the path toward other delights that can enrich your life.

Teacher… Life Coach

Barbara is the founder of Urban Tantra^® an approach to sacred sexuality that adapts and blends a wide variety of conscious sexuality practices from Queerness, to Tantra to BDSM—and the Urban Tantra^® Professional Training Program—a comprehensive training program in the practice and application of conscious sexuality. She is also the co-founder of Erotic Awakening, a groundbreaking series of workshops which toured the United States and Australia. Barbara’s pioneering Urban Tantra^® workshops were named best in New York City by TimeOut/New York magazine. In 2016 she was awarded a Sexual Freedom Award for Lifetime Achievement.

Highlights from the Interview

I [Tessa] studied Barbara during my work on a masters degree so I know a lot about her approach to sexuality. But I was so happy to hear Barbara talk through her past in the theatre world in New York during the time of HIV and Aids. This painful time had such impact on her and led her to begin to help others discover and rediscover the sex that make them go. While still working in the theatre Barbara left the U.S. for Australia for quite long periods of time to each erotica awakening workshops. And on one trip Barbara describes an aha moment of recognizing that helping people with their sexuality was in fact more important to her than the world that she had left in the theatre.

We had a detailed discussion about sex toys and uses for men and women. And it was so fun to talk about aging and how our bodies and minds evolve over time.

Barbara was super clear on her advice for us. If you are doing things they way you’ve always done them… then tomorrow get up and do something different. We aren’t meant to be automatons – our purpose is bigger than that.

Goals vs. Intentions. Goals are over rated in Barbara’s opinion. You either succeed of fail. Intentions can be fulfilled in dozens of ways. Let the universe help you fulfill you intentions that is most useful to you and the planet. This is gentler and a lot more fun.

Barbara enters an fMRI scanner to prove that Thinking Off, (also called an Energy Orgasm) is a real orgasm.

Barbara takes the audience at I Can Do It/New York to ecstasy church with her moving story about a life-changing ecstatic experience in the middle of the AIDS crisis. This is her full talk. It’s twenty minutes long.