Sexuality, Identity, and Capacity

(The Open Nesters Episode 9)

In this Episode 9 we meet Dr. Rosalyn Dischiavo.

Tessa: I met Dr. Roz when I was doing my masters degree Mindfulness Consciousness and was doing my thesis in sexuality. She has such a body of knowledge in a wide range of fields.

Dr. Roz discusses the concept of “a second awakening,” particularly after children have gone, noting that we have this urge to wake up, maybe a lot due to our biology… the “midlife crisis.*” Carl Jung identified the combination of a mortality crisis and an identify crisis in relation to the midlife crisis.” Dr. Roz brought up dark shadow and the golden shadow, concepts created by Jung. Essentially shadows are urges.

We discussed people’s Act III in detail paying particular attention to sexuality. Dr. Roz is interested in how this idea challenges peoples identity. For example monogamy could be a part of someone’s identity. Yet someone can find themselves challenged by the changes presented to them in Act III. And she questions if the possibility of polyamory challenges ones very self-concept or identity. She poses the question: “is faithfulness and monogamy the same thing.” And she makes the point that identity is fluid.

And then a real zinger “is sexual polyamory a behavior (action) or an orientation (an identity)?” Dr. Roz suggests that she believes that polyamory is simply a “capacity.” It does not have to be an identity.

*Elliott Jaques, a psychoanalyst, social scientist and management consultant coined the phrase ”midlife crisis.”

Sexuality, Identity, and Capacity

Some Compelling Quotes and Concepts

“As poly as I am I can only look at one pair of eyes at a time.”

Who gets you on your birthday?

What turns people on – The Erotic Equation … Attraction + Obstacles = Excitement*

The Four Cornerstones of Eroticism*:

Longing and Anticipation
Prohibition
Power Dynamics
Overcoming Ambivalence

Compersion: A feeling of joy when a loved one invests in and takes pleasure from another romantic or sexual relationship.

*Jack Morin “The Erotic Mind”

Rosalyn Dischiavo, EdD, MA, CSES

Dr. Rosalyn Dischiavo is the Founder and Director of ISEE, and the author of “The Deep Yes: The Lost Art of True Receiving.” She is a professor, author, an AASECT Certified Sexuality Educator (CSE) and Sex Educator Supervisor (CSES), and the current Chairperson of the Professional Education and Steering Committee on the AASECT Board of Directors (2018-2020). She has a Master of Arts in Marriage and Family Therapy and a Doctor of Education in Human Sexuality.

Rosalyn was the Director of both the Women’s Center and the Health Education office at the University of Hartford from 1999-2006. While there she received multiple honors for securing grant funding each year she worked there. She also received a national award for Best Advisor for a Peer Education group from the BACCHUS & GAMMA Peer Education Network. She continues to teach gender and sexuality courses at the University of Hartford part-time.

Resources for You

We want to provide you with support and many many resources for your own Open Nesting Journey. Our resource page has so much to offer as does our private discussion group on Facebook:

Open Nesters Resource Page

The Open Nesters Private Facebook Group

- ask to join and we’ll let you in

Your Resource This Week, A Book: The Deep Yes

At one time her career included a nightly women’s interest radio show on WTIC FM in Hartford. She also took part in a 3-year Tantra Teacher Training program with Dr. Rudolph Ballantine (Swami Ravi), author of “Radical Healing”, former president of the Himalayan Institute for Yoga Science and Philosophy.

Roz is also a poet who loves to walk the beaches of Cape Cod, where she lives with her calico cat, Abby.

Dr. Dischiavo’s book “The Deep Yes: The Lost Art of True Receiving,” is available on Amazon and Kindle.

Art-of-Receiving The Open Nesters Podcast

The Deep Yes, The Lost Art of True Receiving

One More Resource for You: The Jealousy Workbook

A counselor and nurse specialising in polyamorous singles, couples and groupings, Kathy Labriola has spent many years helping people to understand and manage their jealousy. This book is a compendium of the mental techniques and hands-on exercises she has developed. These accessible, simple techniques are designed to be easily implemented in the event of an intense jealousy crisis. Also included are tips and insights from the polyamory community s top educators, therapists and authors.