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Why Slowing Down Builds Intimacy
with Dr. Karen Berry
(Season 4 | Episode 153)
[Tessa] Welcome to The Open Nesters Podcast! In this episode, we are joined by Dr. Karen Berry, an experienced marriage and sex therapist with a soulful, spiritual approach that resonates with us as Open Nesters. We kick off our Love, Sex, and Intimacy series for February by diving into the importance of intimacy and how it can be expanded in partnerships.
Dr. Berry highlights the complexity and acquired taste of intimacy, emphasizing the connection between grief, loss, and the capacity for an erotic life. We explore the concept of building the architecture of a sacred container in relationships, emphasizing the importance of slowing down and honoring the unique dynamics of each partnership or group.
The main focus of the conversation is on the significance of slowing down in building intimacy and connection. As Open Nesters, we share personal insights from our own experiences, discussing the challenges of slowing down in conversations and how it can lead to frustration and miscommunication. We emphasize the need to prioritize spending enough time with our partners to truly understand their needs and desires.
Dr. Berry provides valuable strategies and recommendations for fostering vulnerability and intimacy in relationships. We delve into the importance of becoming embodied and finding a soft center before engaging in conversations with our partners. Slowing down allows for better outcomes, even in difficult topics or conversations that may spark anger or fear. We talk about the role of anger as a natural response when we’re scared and how it impacts our ability to truly connect.
Throughout the conversation, Dr. Berry recommends accessible resources, such as books by Stan Tatkin, that delve deeper into deepening relationships and embracing the grieving process. We also discuss the significance of maintaining quality time together and the power of reconnecting through shared experiences and positive emotions.
We also touch on the challenges of meeting expectations in relationships, particularly in polyamory, acknowledging that every couple is unique and demands compassion and understanding. Slowing down and being vulnerable can lead to surprising discoveries and deeper connections.
Amir and I end the episode with gratitude for our growing community and invite listeners to explore past episodes on love and sex, as well as to subscribe to the podcast. And we encourage you to get excited about upcoming episodes in February, which promise to bring more fascinating and alternative topics on love and sex.
TIME-CODE
0:05:10 Intimacy: Beyond Pleasure and Complexity of Connection
0:12:05 Laughing at Ourselves: Creating Intimacy and Sacred Containers
0:13:24 Building a Sacred Container in Relationships
0:25:17 Reconnecting with childhood sweethearts and seeing each other as young
0:35:12 Embracing Differences and Vulnerability in Relationships
0:38:28 Slowing down builds intimacy in relationships
0:41:00 Taking time and playing to deepen intimacy
I received my Ph.D. from Hofstra University and my NYS license as a Psychologist in 1990. I received ASSECT certification as a sex therapist in 2007.
Early on, in my personal search for relief, I found that “talk” therapy was insufficient and depleted my well-being. Then I found Rubenfeld Synergy, a method that combined Gestalt Therapy, Feldenkrais, bodywork, psychodrama and spirituality. It really worked! Relief plus deep healing! This became my North Star.
I trained with Ilana Rubenfeld and her colleague Dr. Seena Russell. Later, Seena and I collaborated to develop a training center called Return To Self.
In that post doctoral time, Dr. David Schnarch ignited a passion in me that led to me training with him for over 10 years. His work, The Sexual Crucible, combined sex therapy, differentiation, couple therapy and systemic therapy.
After 9/11, fire fighters and their families found me and inspired me to delve more deeply into understanding brain science, trauma, and the necessity of practical skills. Dr. Michael Yapko became my mentor, training me to utilize short term strategic therapy and hypnosis to treat depression and anxiety effectively and efficiently.
I found Dr. Stan Tatkin and PACT (Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy) because I was still looking to optimize my work with couples for practical outcomes. Stan’s work is based in the body and science, and most importantly it works! I was a member of his core faculty, training clinicians in PACT. I then applied this methodology to working with CEOs, founders and family business leaders with great success.
I’ve delved deeply into both science and embodied wisdom traditions. Margo Anand mentored me in Tantric sexuality and trained me to train others. In addition, yoga, meditation, ecstatic dance, authentic movement, Gabrielle Roth’s 5 Rhythms practice, breathwork, drumming and trance dance keep me enlivened.
I view the world through embodiment practices, differentiation and relational science. These cornerstones of my worldview inform all that I do professionally and personally.
Resources for You
We want to provide you with support and many many resources for your own Open Nesting Journey. Our resource page has so much to offer as does our private discussion group on Facebook about queerness and other topics of interest:
Open Nesters Resource Page
The Open Nesters Private Facebook Group
About Tessa
Tessa Krone is the engine behind and the face of The Open Nesters.
Tessa holds an MA in Consciousness Studies and is a speaker, coach, program, and journey facilitator & leader, author and, of course, Podcaster.
Her offerings are based on her mission to help people open to their most self-expressed, loving selves. Tessa’s specialties include embodiment from all the senses and elements of our inner and outer lives, ranging from mindfulness, dance, play, and sensory exploration in nature. If she had one superpower, it would be to help people, especially as they age, to live more open-hearted lives.

Please email Tessa to make a connection. If you like, please answer the question:
What do you need to OPEN your NEST? In your LIFE. In your BODY. In your SPIRIT. Do you need MORE…
Adventure
Freedom of Expression
Exploration and Fun
Body Movement
New circles of friends
Deep love relationships